Have you ever felt like you weren’t capable of attaining something you wanted? Going on a date with someone you liked? Receiving an offer for your dream job? Moving somewhere? Traveling? Getting into a school you really wanted to go to?
What do you really want now that seems out of your reach?
…It could be something you push out of your mind each time it comes up because you feel like its so unrealistic for you that it doesn’t make sense to even consider.
First, know that you are worthy of what you want. This can take practice!! If you don’t think you’re worthy of experiencing what you want, then even when you have it, you won’t sustain it, and you can experience the imposter syndrome-feeling like you’re inadequate, and that someone will “find you out” for not measuring up to expectations.
Embody the characteristics, build the habits and practice the skills that are associated with having the experience. Prepare for your success.
My wise Aunt, Bita, a life and energy leadership coach, and interior designer recently shared with me, you don’t get what you want, you get what you expect.
Release the debilitating thoughts, behaviors, and influences in your life that keep you from moving forward. Do not feed those insecurities that arise.
Show up everywhere you go as the highest and greatest version of yourself. That’s who you really are.
Show up as your greatest self, and you will attract experiences that meet you at that level. Speak that way, dress that way, walk that way, look that way, let it reflect in all of your actions.
No more playing small, because you’re not.
When you Show Up, you’re shifting the way you and others view you, and that changes the kinds of opportunities that you are inviting into your life. You will be introduced to people that complement your presence and energy. This takes courage! Sometimes it may feel easier to keep presenting yourself the way people have always seen you. In the long run, living your Authentic self is so worthwhile and exciting.
Think in terms of where you want to be.
Don’t limit your thoughts about what’s possible for you
Allow the feeling of being your most confident, successful, abundant and worthy self to move you forward and up. Make decisions from that place too. Actually pause, and ask yourself- “how would my greatest, most confident and worthy self respond to this situation?” You can even do this in the midst of a conversation. You can take a deep breath, pause and then respond, with intention.
When you access this tool and practice being intentional with your presence, speaking and behaving this way will come more naturally- you’re exercising and strengthening a muscle.
If you don’t know what steps to take to get you closer to what you want, seek resources and tools that will help you. Call a friend that has experienced it, ask questions. Instead of being intimidated by what you want, or making decisions from a place of fear, start gaining more information. Fear is rooted in uncertainty- not knowing what will happen, not knowing how to do something. Try approaching what you desire. Instead of saying “I don’t know how..”, ASK- “how can I learn to…?”
When you go after what you want, you develop and strengthen your self-efficacy, which is so profound and worthwhile.
Self-efficacy is your conviction about how capable you are in attaining and achieving what you want.
Throughout your life, you set a track record for yourself- do you have integrity for carrying out your aspirations and intentions? “how likely is it for me to actually get done what I want to?”
When you set an intention to do or go after something, do you often say to yourself: “that probably won’t end up happening because I didn’t actually accomplish so and so and so other things that I was once excited about but didn’t follow through with”…?
Another wise thing I learned from Bita- when you don’t do the things you want to do, you start to not trust yourself.
When you follow through with your goals, you strengthen your sense of self-efficacy and feel more capable and confident about accomplishing what you want to. This process involves building your own trust.
This concept resonated with me greatly and motivated me to travel solo to Australia this past year. When I heard about people traveling on their own, I always felt deep admiration. The idea also freaked me out. I knew it was an experience I would grow through.
Make a list of things that you really want to do; things you’ve always thought about doing (learning a new language, snowboarding, baking chocolate chip macadamia cookies, rock climbing, surfing, going on a safari, buying a bike, taking dance classes, living in a different country, taking a mixology class, learning to code, public speaking, juggling, playing the guitar, starting conversation with someone who interests you…)
Go do those things.
This list includes errands you’ve been wanting to take care of for so long. Write them down and take care of them.
Don’t let these things take up mental room, and undermine your sense of self-efficacy. Set deadlines, make those appointments you’ve been wanting to, sign up for the exam you may have been putting off.
It may help to tell a friend about your deadlines and to hold each other accountable for getting them done.. you can txt each other after you’ve accomplished each goal.
Cheers to Showing Up and living as your most efficacious, authentic & worthy self.